wish i were a little bit taller / wish i were a baller

Yesterday, I tried to capitalize on my recent weight gain as an opportunity to give blood. Being just about 5'1 has its disadvantages: the nurse wouldn't believe that I weighed enough to be a blood donor.

"But I do," I insisted, only lying a teeny tiny bit.

"Sorry," she said, eyeing my driver's license suspiciously. They should put this woman in charge of airport security, b/c she can sniff out the slightest untruthfulness like a shark.

"Nice try, girl!" shouted another nurse from across the room, just to further my shame. This girl is a blood donor wannabe! "Thanks for trying!"

What like, this was a game or something? I just want to give blood, not win a prize! I bet she would've believed me if I were a little bit taller. (And a little bit more baller.)

I think that's a belief that many short people hold close to heart: that things might be a little bit different if only we were taller.

This NYT story, Short? No Worries: Just Ask This Texan, talks about the myths of being short and discredits them. For instance, she says that short people are just as socially competent/intelligent as their peers. (So the only thing that explains all the awkward boys is ASC is that...they're Asian? Just kidding. Mostly.) She also says that short people are just as able to run countries. (Although the examples she gave are Napoleon, Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin...stellar rulers, all of them, yes.) Which is cool, you know, knowing that I can be smart and also commit mass genocide if I ever ruled a country.

She then goes on to talk about some of the advantages of being short, which is where she totally lost me. Just how is asking for a booster chair in a theater a plus? And where are these kindly plane passengers who help put her luggage in the overhead bin? I live in constant dread of the overhead bin! I always try to use a bag that can be stuffed under the seat so I wouldn't have face uncertain death as I try to wrangle my luggage over my head.

So thanks for trying to make being short into a cool thing, but sorry if I'm not convinced. I'm too busy trying to find a booster seat so I can read this screen without straining my neck.