something about white people

So apparently what I like to do now during lunch is eat at my desk and read the news instead of going down to the cafeteria and attempting to socialize with anyone with a personality grade above "arrogant, self-loving bitch." Thanks, grad school, for lowering my standards and paving the way to mealtimes full of awkward conversation!

Here's what I got today. So I have my own opinions about Christian Lander's book ("Stuff White People Like," which includes Asian girls as #11 on the list...which is awesome, because I literally cannot tell you enough about how much I love being objectified, even if it's tough-in-cheek), and his CNN article How We Became White provoked some thought. In it, he mentions being a white immigrant from Canada, and neatly checking off the "White" box in the US Census. There's no differentiation between White Americans and White immigrants--I guess white people are all assumed to be the same, which is to say, awesomely American and privileged and so forth. Which is, arguably, just as discriminatory as Seth Green's recent joke on SNL that the Asian American version of Snookie would be a violin-wielding and be-spectacled academic nightmare. (Although, to be honest, I was torn between laughing and shaking my head, because the kids in the Asian Student Council at W&M were probably some of the most outrageous and dramatic people I've ever met.)

It is interesting that Lander calls it "that wonderful privilege" to check the White box on the census. I mean, I get his argument, that a 1st generation Canadian-American would probably not be subjected to the same kinds of discrimination as 5th-generation Latino-Americans. Probably true. But do most White people see that privilege? Or really, is it a kind of curse for so many different kinds of people to be homogenized and stereotyped under one label?

exes and oh's

B mentioned one time that the smell of Peppermint Patties made her think of her mom. For some reason, that really stuck with me. Now, just thinking about Peppermint Patties makes me think of B! It's odd, these memory-association-type-things.

Anyway, that was a just a random thought. I miss my VA fam. Only 2.5 more weeks til C's wedding!

So here's a question: Is it okay for a friend to date your ex? A couple weeks ago, this CNN article asked that very question. I'm actually not super fond of the article, but I think it's a legit topic to explore. The author seems to conclude that it's okay as long as a simple conversation takes place between both parties to kind of stave off the inevitable awkwardness that will occur. But in an age of Facebook with all its pictures and suffocating networks of friends, that simple conversation rarely takes place. Most of us found out via Newsfeed if an ex is seeing a friend. Even if they've decided to be coy about it and leave their relationship status blank, it takes about 15 seconds to look at someone's pictures, read the comments and wallposts, and figure out the truth for yourself. We're all experienced FB stalkers here. Where is the common courtesy to even just say, "Hey listen, I'm dating your ex. I'll probably keep dating him no matter what you say, but hey, just wanted to let you know." How hard is that?

Should a friend date your ex? It sounds simple, but it's a loaded question that I think many of us struggle to answer. A lot of factors come into play. For one thing, how long were you and said ex dating? How close are you with your ex's new fling? How long was the break-up before the ex and your friend got together? Was your break-up amicable or was it like something out of the opening scene in Legally Blonde where that guy dumps Reese Witherspoon in the middle of a nice restaurant? (Ahem, I may or may not have recently caught that movie on TV. I also may or may not have shouted at the TV when it happened...you may have noticed that I harbor pretty strong opinions about guys who act like self-loving, smarmy, smug narcissists.)

But, most importantly, is your ex an honest gentleman-type with a healthy sense of shame? Or is he a weasel-y, lying sack of Class-A douchebaggery? (Or is "bag" too small and mild a term for what kind of jerk he was? Was he more of a douchechasm, or perhaps a douchecanyon? Douchecrater?)

And how long can you hang onto resentment for ex & his/her new fling before it gets to an unhealthy point? Conversely: is there such a thing as unhealthy resentment for an ex and any of his various bed-tramps? (Note: I realized "bed-tramps" is a bit of a harsh term, esp b/c most of those girls are perfectly nice people. But doesn't it just sound like the perfect insult? Bed-tramps!)

There's a lot to be said for honesty. I often think that a lot of these tricky relationship/ex-relationship problems can be worked through if only both parties were honest and tactful...but always easier said than done, right?

I'd love to hear some of your opinions on this topic!