Of Two Minds

In Chapter 5: Ethnic Solidarity of Takaki's book, what jumped most out at me was the experiences of the Nisei, or second generation Japanese. Takaki writes that "Nisei names reflected their dual identities." The Nisei would pick an American name to use in schools, while their Japanese names were used at home. My own parents decided to give both my brother and me American names, but we have Chinese names as well. We both attended a Mandarin language school on Sundays, while learning about America at school during the weekdays.

With these dual names, dual personalities also developed. At school, I can be opinionated and loud. At home, my parents prefer me to be quiet, docile. Reconciling the two has been a daily task for many of my adolescent years. Like the Nisei, it is strange to think like an American but look like a Taiwaese. Like the Nisei, modern-day second generation kids also struggle to find a place to belong. Are we Taiwanese? American?

Last night, I was asked by my white housemate if her friend could interview me because it was part of her class assignment to interview someone from a different country. I tried to explain that I was American, so I probably didn't fit the requirements of the assignments. The girl, who was very friendly, dismissed my disclaimer and said "You're close enough." The questions that she asked clearly pitted me versus "us." "What do you think of Americans when they do this..." she asked. I didn't really know how to respond. I do those things too, whatever she asked. I know that she meant well, but part of me protested inside: I AM AN AMERICAN. It just drove home again that no matter how hard we try, our physical appearance still betrays us. People usually don't mean to be insulting or perjorative, but it's these unintentional slights that gets to me everytime.