As some of you might know, I have a basic laundry list of fears in life that looks something like this:
- Dying
- My loved ones dying
- Someone dying or dead in my bathtub (which is why I have to have opaque shower curtains--not clear curtains, b/c I'm also afraid of someone accidentally walking in on me in the shower)
- Being impregnated w/o my knowledge (it's happened before, and it just might happen again, and let me tell you, I am definitely NOT Mary, Mother of God, so any child that I have in this way would most likely be some sort of demon, gremlin, or elf)
- Being infertile
I'm not entirely sure how that last fear evolved, but somewhere down the line I just got this feeling that I'm not terribly fertile. My mom had a hard time conceiving my brother, and I just have this nagging suspicion that I'm going to have the same problem. (TMI? Sorry.)
Anyway, I developed this timeline in college: get married in my 20s, have babies before 30. It might look simple, but I definitely struggled with it. I'd always kind of thought that I'd be a career woman--you know, college educated, graduate school, pulling absurd hours and rising the ranks at some magazine. And maybe, MAYBE getting married in my 30s, have children a little later on, that sort of thing. As you can see, my fear of infertility changed my life's plans quite a bit. So much for gung-ho feminism, right? Let's have some babies, stat!
Oh, you laugh. Many people did. But Steph sent me an article a couple days ago that completely validates my fears: Women lose 90% of their eggs by the age of 30!! And only have 3% left when they're 40!!! NOT COOL, WOMB. (You can access the article here.)
What the heck?? How is that fair?!?! How come guys can have babies 'til they're 70 without a second thought?!!?!? GARGH. If there's anything more frustrating than having quasi-irrational/completely speculative fears is having that fear confirmed by science.
So if this happens to all normal women, all I can think of is how much worse it will be if I'm not all that fertile to begin with. I had planned to stick to my timeline before, but you can bet that I'm definitely gluing myself to it now. (Watch out, boys! Just kiddingggg.)
Stay tuned for my next post, where I'll tell you about my fear of scurvy!
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3 comments:
what about your irrational fear of botulism?
Ahahaha I <3 you Vicky.
I'm glad I'm not the one who broke it to you. I've known this about fertility for quite some time and shared your thought that I myself might be infertile entirely - yet I find it relaxing, since I definitely shouldn't be spawning. They'd be nutters ;-)
Remember our talk, Vicky. The remaining 3% will be the strong ones ;) Like me :D haha
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