and so it is done

And so it is done: my boss has been told, my 2 weeks notice has been given, and I'm set to move back to DC and start my new job July. What a whirlwind the last few weeks have been!

Of course, I'm excited about the new job and getting to see my friends and family again, but it's not without some sadness to be leaving Chicago, which I still consider the best city in the world. After all, this is really where I came into my own as an adult. It's where I got my first real job; leased and maintained an apartment; bought furniture; learned how to cook; fell in love. Why would I ever want to leave a place that holds so many memories of fond achievements and challenges overcome? It's the first place where I was really and truly on my own, and I can't help but have a special place in my heart for it. Kind of like a first real love, maybe.

I think the most difficult part is the realization that, well...this move to DC might be for the long-run. I never planned to move back to Virginia. Never, ever. I've always wanted to live in a big city, always dreamed of high-rises and ample public transportation (I know; I'm a romantic). Chicago fit the bill to the tee. DC never figured into my plans.

But in a way, this job opportunity in DC follows a trend I've noticed throughout the big decisions in my life. After all, I very narrowly did not come to Chicago at all -- my main plan had been to move to New York City, where I had friends. I still don't know why I picked Northwestern over CUNY. It's much like how I don't know why I pulled myself out of Fulbright consideration when I'd spent 2 years fine-tuning my application. Or why I ultimately picked W&M when I'd wanted to go to UVA throughout high school. Or why I decided to date a guy I'd only known for 2 weeks in a brand new city, who very well might've been some sort of serial killer. (I guess he still could be, hmm.) But I just did. And it's not like I was particularly confident about my decisions afterward. There was always a point where I would just be like "What are you doing???? Why?!?!?!!? What makes you think this is a good idea???????"

That same sort of lost, confused and terrified feeling I felt back then is the same one I'm feeling now, but like even more magnified b/c of the fact that things are more than just about me now. It's also about my Possible Serial Killer Man Friend, who had plans of his own. And those plans def did not include the possibility of settling down in the East Coast. I think we grew up a lot in the last few weeks in having to consider one another as individuals and as partners. At least, that's how I felt; he might just be thinking of ways to use it to his advantage for the rest of our lives.

Hypothetical household dialogue:
T: I want a cookie.
V: No. We're going out to dinner with my parents in 3 minutes, and it will spoil your appetite.
T: I WANT A COOKIE NOW.
V: NO.
T: But I moved all this way from Chicago to DC--
V: Okay, okay, here, eat the %*$@*! cookie.

But I digress. Where was I? Right, so it's like this intense anxiety I have about maybe having just totally screwed everything up is a reminder that there are bigger plans than my own. Everything that came out of this deep crazy lost feeling has always worked out better than I'd ever dreamed. And that's a comforting thought. There are my plans and then there are His Plans. And based on the incredible nervousness I have and my inability to really explain why I'm doing what I'm doing, this DC thing is def part of Plans with a gigantic capital P.

That, or it really is a huge mistake, bad idea, really just screwed everything up, etc. Ahhh! Ahhhh!!!!